What is a mother to do when she fears for her child?

What does a mother do when she learns that her child is being
sexually abused by the very person who is supposed to love and
protect them? - their father. This is a mother's worst fear, and
unfortunately turned into reality throughtout our nation. I never
realized how common sexual abuse/molestation was until it happened
to my own daughter and family......

A mother is shocked to learn such horrifying news......so what
does she do? Well, society has always taught parents that they
are to act responsibly by protecting their child(ren). Parents
are told to teach their children to swim, for fear that they
might drown, they are told to teach them not to speak to a
stranger to ensure their safety, and they are told to put locks
on all cupboards, etc. for fear that their children will have
access to poisons. Parents are taught that if they suspect any
type of abuse - whether it be sexual, emotional or physical, they
should immediately report it to the proper authorities - the
courts, Child Protective Services, the police, the District
Attorney.

A mother proceeds to do what society has taught her, so she
decides to proceed with acting to protect her child(ren). She
feels that she is doing the right thing by reporting it to the
authorities..................but does she????

Soon a mother discovers that she has been turned into the alleged
"perpretrator", being accused of making false allegations
against her child's father, attempting to alienate her child
from having a relationship with their father - the farthest
thing from the truth. Not only does her worst fear come true,
but now she is the "accused" without justification - no hearing
or trial to prove that she is guilty of any wrong doing.

Her nightmare begins by first hearing the news that her beloved
child has been abused and her world begins to shatter......and as
she enters into the court system where she believes that she will
receive the help and protection that her child so rightfully deserves,
but much to her shock and dismay, instead she finds herself entering
into a world unexpected and unfamiliar to her -a tangled web of lies,
deceit, injustice and corruption by the very courts designed to protect her
and her children, filling her life with darkness, utter helplessness, grief
and despair knowing that she cannot help her child....and worse
yet, her child whom she has raised and adores is suddenly and
cruelly ripped away from her loving arms and home and placed into
the custody of her abuser. Her nightmare further unfolds as she
finds herself caught up in a continuous unending court battle,
while her child remains as a prisoner, captive in the clutches
of their abuser, unable to be freed, as she fights daily for
many years without end while her child grows up without her.

This is justice for her child(ren)?? Not only is her child abused
by their perpretrator, in most cases, their own father, but they
are then further victimized and tortured by the very court
system that is designed to protect them from all harm.

So what does a mother do? She may decide to follow the courts
orders and decide to send her child(ren) for visitation, or she
may follow another path......since all authorities have failed
to protect her child(ren), she may decide that her only choice
is to take the law into her own hands, deciding that she must
live a life on the run in order to protect her child.....either
way, she and her child end up losing.....for she soon learns that
she is caught up in a "Catch 22" situation - she cannot win either
way....if she fails to protect her child from an abusive
situation, she will be prosecuted. And if she dares to go to
the court and ask for protection for her child(ren), she will
be accused as the abuser/alienator and prosecuted for her attempts to do
what she thought was the right thing to do - to protect, as society has
taught her, and as her normal instinct as a mother tells her is
right.

As she continues to fight for her child's protection, she only
learns that the situation only gets worse for her as she is often
stripped from everything - most importantly, her child, but then
she may end up losing all in her quest for justice- her home,
her cars, business, drivers license, her freedom, only to mention
a few, in order to pay for attorneys, court fees and expenses, and
her pride, dignity and self esteem is lost as she is labeled as the
"child abuser and liar", being placed on the Child Abuse Index,and deemed
guilty of PAS -parental alienation syndrome, all without a fair trial.
A mother feels scared and alone, with no place to turn because nobody
will listen to her as she desperately tries to protect her child(ren).

Her intentions are good and she never intended to attempt to alienate
her child from the father, but the court never discovers the truth
because they have no interest and they don't care to hear what the
real truth is. She complies with all court orders from the beginning
as her court record shows, even offering extra time for father without
court orders, not having any idea that there was any abuse going on. She
is shocked and overwhelmed with guilt for not knowing about the abuse
and she is angry at herself, like the ocean raging out of control,
feeling that she has indeed failed her child. She thinks to herself
"How could I have not known?" "Am I blind?" She ponders these thoughts
repeatedly, but can find no comfort knowing that her ignorance or
just the "unknown"- it is not enough to satisfy her. How can she forgive
herself? She worries that her child will never forgive her and wonders
if her child will be angry at her for not knowing. But then again, how
could she when her child was so terrified by death threats to keep the
"bad secrets" between her and father that her child did not tell her?

Even that is not enough to satisfy her. She feels that she should have
seen signs or have some indication of what was happening. She never
would deliberately ignore signs of abuse, she just simply did not see them
because she never would have imagined that the man she married could
commit such a heinous act of violence against their own child. Such an
act is completely incomprehensible to her since she loves and cherishes
her child more than anything in her life. She cannot imagine another
human being hurting a child, especially not their own father or relative.

She has choices but none are easy. She can either live a life of guilt or
she can try to forgive herself and blame the people responsible: the father
and the courts for failing to protect her child. After all, when she did
learn what was happening to her child, she did do everything in her power
to protect them...to the point of being jailed, she will somehow find a
way to quit blaming herself, as guilt is a useless emotion,only leading her
into a life of depression, added to her Post Traumatic Stress, from
the unimaginable and unspeakable traumatic event of losing her most valuable
and precious possession....her only child.

Written by Kristin Hanson

Dedications:

For Rachel: I am so sorry that I could not protect you. I tried my very best
and I have tried to bring you back home all of these years and I will continue
to do everything possible for our permanent reunion. Please believe me when I
say that I will never give up fighting for you and I hope that you never give
up on me. I am your mother and I will forever love and cherish you all of
the days of my life. Never forget that your birthday is and will remain my
favorite day of the entire year. I love you and miss you with all of my heart.
God Bless you and protect you always. Love, MOM

To my mother who risked her own life and freedom, at the age of 73 to help
me protect Rachel, as we were both jailed for our efforts.

To all mothers who have been involved in the court system and have found yourself
in a "Catch 22" situation, where you cannot win, no matter what you do. Don't
blame yourself, but rather, the evil and the corruption that has led your children
and family down this road to this outrageous and unnecessary tragedy. You have
done your very best, even some of you being jailed for your efforts. One day our
children will know the truth, if they don't alreay. Once they know the truth,
they will most likely look at their mothers as heroines, not failures.

"IN THE COURTS EYES, WE HAVE BEEN DEEMED AS CRIMINALS, BUT WHO IS TO SAY THAT
GOD SHARES THEIR VIEWS?"