When Motherhood Gets You Jail Time

It is a mother's worst fear - to learn that her child has been the victim of a heinous crime- sexual abuse. What is more shocking and unbelievable to her is to discover that the one person who she never could imagine would be the perpretrator turns out to be her child's own father. When she learns of this she is heartbroken and devastated beyond words. There are no words to fully describe the pain and emotions that she has that are buried so deep within her mind and soul. So what does a mother do when she learns that her child has been abused? Society has taught her to proceed by reporting such a crime to the proper authorities - the district attorney, the police, Child Protective Services, the courts.....this is what society says is correct. Or is it? As the mother is prepared to do what is right, she attempts to protect her child. She believes undoubtedly that the court system and all authorities will grant her and her child the protection and justice that is so rightfully deserved. But she soon learns that her struggle to protect her child leads her into a war of unimaginable proportions and consequences, and she finds herself entering into a tangled web full of lies, deceit and corruption as her world begins to shatter.......into a justice system in denial. She has always complied with visitation orders demanded by the court, but how can she continue with those orders? She finds herself in very unfamiliar and destructive territory as she is still forced by court order to allow her child to continue to have visits with the father - her child's identified perpretrator. At this point she is painfully faced with the decision of protecting her child which is all that she wants to do, or to comply with the orders of the court. A mother may choose to obey the courts orders, or she may decide to be defiant and determined as ever, as she fights to protect her child, refusing to allow her child to be subjected to any more abuse, thus failing to be "agreeable" and do just as the court tells her. Tragically, whichever path she takes,unfortunately she and her child both will lose the battle.....as she is turned into the accused perpretrator by the courts and CPS, being labeled and branded with the scarlett letter as a liar who has made false allegations and as an "alienator"-a mother with the sole purpose of attempting to destroy the relationship between her child and their father. This could not be further from the truth. It makes logical sense that a mother who loves her child, wanting the very best for them, would want a fit and loving father for her child as opposed to an abusive one, wouldn't it? And what would be the motive for a mother who already has physical custody and is receiving monthly child support? If she already has it all, why would a mother risk losing custody for a false allegation?? The answer is simple-she would not. She is now caught up in a "Catch 22" situation in which she cannot win either way. If she is aware of the abuse and fails to protect her child from it, she will be prosecuted, but then on the other hand, if she attempts to do everything possible within her power to protect her child from future harm, once again, she will be prosecuted. How can both ways be a losing battle? She may fight endlessly in the courts, eventually leading her into a world filled with depression, darkness and utter despair, going bankrupt in the process, or she may give up all hope of ever receiving justice from the courts in which case she will end up taking the law into her own hands......leaving her once loved and happy life behind and risking all she has in order to disappear with her child, hoping never to be found. Once again she will lose as she is eventually caught, arrested, jailed and prosecuted all over again....only this time she and her child are unjustly separated for an indeterminate sentence imposed upon them. She then is plunged into a world struck with guilt and anguish for only being able to buy her child a very short time of freedom and safety. Her guilt continues, haunting her daily as her pain and unbearably long separation from her child increases and her memory reminds her that she had promised her child that she would protect them. She is overwhelmed with this guilt, like a raging storm in the ocean, feeling out of control and overcome with profound anger and feelings of helplessness for failing her beloved child. At first she has to learn to live with her pain, as it becomes a part of her life, but as time goes on, she then is forced to learn to live in the pain, as her life then becomes a part of her pain. Even though she made every possible effort by accessing the courts for help and knowing that it is truly the fault of the court for not helping her to protect her child, she still is not completely able to free herself from the guilt within her imprisoned body. After all, she thinks to herself that it was her obligation and responsibility as a mother to see to it that no harm ever came upon her child, and therefore she cannot forgive herself. Will she ever be able to forgive herself? Maybe. Maybe not. Her only true hope, peace and relief comes from knowing that her child knows the truth one day.

In the courts eyes, a mother is deemed as a criminal, but who is to say that God shares their views?

A Message to Mothers: It is my hope that each and every mother who has struggled and fought to protect their child(ren), will be able to reach a point where they are able to find peace within themselves, especially to those mothers who have been jailed due to their efforts to protect their child(ren). I admire your strength, courage, tenacity and determination. May you find comfort in knowing that your efforts were honest and true- it has been a long and tedious journey and for many of us, the journey is not over yet. Take one day at a time, one step at a time, and always remember - You are MOM. Nobody can ever strip you of your God given gift of motherhood and all the precious moments and memories that come with and from being a mother. There will never be anyone who can replace you in the hearts of your child(ren). One day our children will know the truth, if they don't already. May God watch over you and your children all the days of your lives.

Written by Kristin Hanson
Dedicated to my beautiful daughter Rachel-Our painful separation will end and we will be together again. I love you and miss you more than you can ever imagine. God bless you my sweet darling- MOM

Other dedications:
To my wonderful mother, Dorothy, who was jailed with me in order to help me to protect Rachel. Thank you. Rachel and I love you.

To all those mothers who have been jailed for your attempts to protect your child(ren). In the eyes of your children, you are not only their mother, but you are now their "heroine"